My husband and I were so moved by this boy’s story that we shared it with our children. Ben Comen runs because he loves it. He runs with a team because the members of the team love him. Watching this group of kids love Ben made me think about something I have been wrestling with.

We have neighbors who have two boys the same ages as my girls. Her eldest boy mostly likely has Sensory Processing Disorder, SPD, like my daughter. His mom suspects that he is on the autism spectrum as well. This mom is fighting for her boy to be diagnosed and treated. Because our kids share some of the same struggles, I have been sharing resources, information, and support for this mom.

We spend most afternoons at my neighbor’s house because she and I both need another adult who understands. Sometimes things can get a little out of sorts when our kids play together, though. It can be difficult to get all four kids engaged in activities. Sometimes a sound or situation will set off one of the older kids. C5 often has hurt feelings or she and P4 get into a tussle. Although I have seen major progress over the last few months, C5 is often in tears or upset during our time with our neighbors. Yet my kids and my neighbor’s kids ask to see each other. They ask all day long. I don’t understand it since we often struggle to keep the peace.

I have been considering giving everyone a break from these play dates. I am mostly concerned that my sweet child, who is very compassionate and caring, is being forced into a situation that is not good for her. I don’t want her to resent me or to be hurt. I brought this up to my hubby, and he didn’t see anything wrong with me taking her there, but I was still struggling with it.

When I watched this video about Ben Comen, I felt the Holy Spirit assuring me that I am in the right place. My children and I are ministering to this family. In the same way that Ben’s team mates came back to finish the race with him, we are running along side this family and helping them to finish the race and not finish the race alone. I am teaching my little girl how to love other people, even people who are difficult to love.

This is one of the greatest lessons I think I can teach my children.

After about a month of terrible behavior from the children, I decided that I had to do something. I was frustrated and angry all of the time. In fact, I was in tears not that long ago because I felt helpless. I simply had no idea what to do about the behavior problems.I prayed about it and thought about it for a while.

I remembered that C4 is a kinesthetic learner. She also needs visual reminders. After talking with a friend about her discipline plan, which was similar to the one I used to use in my classroom, I knew what I had to do. I got to work on my own plan. That was about two weeks ago.

I am happy to report that this week I have been enjoying the fruit of my labor. The kids have been wonderful with each other and so happy since I implemented my new discipline plan. After some initial testing, the kids’ behavior has turned around. I am enjoying my children now rather than feeling stressed and scattered. Since I am not cleaning up messes or disciplining someone as much anymore, we have reclaimed those precious times of snuggling on the couch to read books. I am not reprimanding them as much. Instead I am praising the good choices that kids make, and they are praising each other!

Now we are back to learning and making happy memories. This is why I homeschool!

Today happened to be just one of those difficult days because of me. I wanted to get things done my way – because isn’t my way the best way? I think so, but Techno Man doesn’t always think that, and the kids definitely think that I am crazy when I try to assert my authority. We all were in disagreement in the shoe store, no less. I must tell you that my kiddos absolutely love to go shoe shopping, and I hate shopping for shoes. This can make for a very challenging trip in and of itself. The kiddos want to try on every pair of shoes in the store and run around trying them out while I spend the time trying to rein them in and decide which shoes are the best fit at the best price. Techno Man is not usually with us on these said shoe shopping adventures, but it happened that he was around at a time when we really needed to go shoe shopping. (Mother of the Year Award: One kid was squeezing into a 13 1/2 shoe, but is actually a size 2, and the other kid was wearing a size 8, but is actually a size 9 wide. How did I miss that?)

Anyway, Techno Man and I have very different approaches to shopping in general. Usually he wants to look around and think about what he might buy. I like to get it over and done with. However, I have found in the past that this approach does not work with buying shoes for the kids. The kids are much more cooperative if I give them the time they want to “shop” their options. Being a mom, though, I am also thinking about the price, the usefulness, and the longevity of the shoes. Many times I am also on the look out for the next pair of shoes we will need in case we encounter a clearance rack. Techno Man does not know about the inner thought process of a mom because, well, he’s not a mom. Daddies don’t think about these things because mommies do that. That’s how we compliment each other.

The shopping trip went south after we tried on two or three pairs of shoes and asked if another pair came in the right size. At that point I saw the clearance rack. Lights shined on it and the heavenly music played. Yes, I was mesmerized because I saw my chance of finding a pair of snow boots for cheap! Techno Man had had it, though, once I pulled down the boots and the pair of shoes we asked for were brought to us from the back room. The melt down began. I wanted to do it my way, but Techno Man felt that the shopping trip was getting out of hand. He said I was getting us side tracked and now there were too many choices. He walked away after we exchanged words. Of course the disagreement continued once we were in the car, and it go ugly!

I really wanted to have all of the control. I am used to being the one in charge because most of the time I am. I usually go on the shoe shopping extravaganzas by myself, so I get to decide when we are finished looking at our options and if we will look at sale shoes for the next season. It is difficult for me to let someone else be in charge. I especially get frustrated with Techno Man because he doesn’t have all of the background information to make the decisions that I think are the “right” ones. The crux of the problem was that I was passing judgment on Techno Man’s ability to make decisions. Who is in charge?

Deep down I want my husband to be the head of the household since the Bible tells us that that is his place (Ephesians 5:23" target="_new">Ephesians 5:23). I just can’t seem to let go enough to let him have that place. I need to let this man who loves me (despite the fact that I am so difficult to love) lead our family. He is a Godly man. He is a loving husband and father. He can make good decisions. (He married me, didn’t he?!) I need to let him be in charge – at least once in a while!

Lord, help me to let go of the control that I so desperately seek and allow my husband be the head of our home. Teach me to be a wife who can love, support, and encourage my husband as he leads our family.

In the middle of my dreamy state I realized that I have something better than that kind of experience now. Instead of bonding with someone else’s children for just one school year, I have my own children to bond with for a lifetime. Instead of being limited to a certain curriculum and schedule, I can decide with my children what we will learn about. (Yes, I do mean “we”. I learn along side of my children.) We can take our time to learn. I can take my kids on field trips to any place that I feel is educationally worthy. And in the middle of it all, I am able to spend time with my children. I am making memories with them, and I am enjoying them while they are young. I am influencing my children. I am giving them the greatest gift I can think of – the love of Jesus. Why wouldn’t I homeschool them?!

My struggle with the idea of home education is that sometimes it feels like a burden to me. Being the parent and being the teacher is a lot of responsibility. Deciding on our curriculum is a big responsibility. Staying organized and committed to doing work every day is difficult. The burden of explaining why I am homeschooling and how my children benefit from home education makes me uneasy. Then I read about everything happening in California with homeschooling and read up on the presidential candidates’ opinions of home education, and I get overwhelmed. Why would I homeschool my children?!

When I see myself doubting, I have to remember what I want for my family. I want my children to love God and to feel loved. I want my children to have great memories from their growing up years. I want my children to grow closer to each other. I want my children to have positive role models and to be safe at school. I want my children to know their parents and see how we navigate life in this fallen world yet still love Jesus. Who else can give them that? Why wouldn’t I homeschool?

My little pep talks usually get me back on track.

I think again about my goals for my children. I remember how I know that my children imitate me – whether the behavior is good or bad – and they imitate people they look up to. I want to be the model that they follow, not someone else who does not have a lifetime invested in them. I want to be the person they ask about the big questions in life, not someone else who doesn’t understand our values. I know that teachers have the best intentions and do wnat what they think is the best for their students. However, they are employees of the school system they work in. They have to comply with the school’s goals. They want the best for my children, but they are not my children’s parents. They will not care nearly as much about my children’s well-being as I do despite their best intentions. Why wouldn’t I homeschool?

My head spins when I think again about the responsibility. It would be easier for me to allow the schools to educate my children, and if we need something, then I would be able to say that the school has to help us. As a homeschooler, I have to be more vigilant about my children’s needs and take a different role than a typical mother. Talk about intimidating! Then I remember that I do not have to go it alone. God is ultimately in charge, and if I believe, I will see Him do the impossible. (Jeremiah 32:27" target="_new">Jeremiah 32:27) I do not have to educate my children on my own. God is right here. Nothing is impossible for God! I can offer my life as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1" target="_new">Romans 12:1) and watch Him do the rest! Why wouldn’t I homeschool?

I can be like the teacher in “Stand and Deliver”. I can have that special bond with my own children and change the world one group of kids at a time. Why wouldn’t I homeschool?

[F]or all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24" target="_new">Romans 3:23-24

I have my Pharisee days from time to time. Even though I have been shown grace by my awesome God, I have trouble showing grace to my family. I read in The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller that a Pharisee is a person who is “trusting in your own goodness rather than in Jesus for your standing with God.” (Keller, p. 177) Instead of being humble knowing that I am saved by grace alone, I try doing works thinking that it is going to earn me points with God. I want to save myself by following Jesus’ example rather than being saved by Jesus. I’ve got it backwards in my head thinking that the law is what saves me not that being saved causes me to follow the law

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. Romans 3:20" target="_new">Romans 3:20

The law only points out that I am truly a sinner. Seeing my sin should motivate me to follow the law and remind me that the gift of Jesus is incredible. As I ponder all of this, I can’t help but think about the lyrics to a Veggie Tales song – Stop! And Go with Mercy. Listening to the song with my kids reminds me that seeing my sin should help me to forgive others and give them another chance – basically show everyone, especially my family, a little grace and ultimately show them how much I truly love them.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31" target="_new">Mark 12:30-31

It’s my job to teach my children to love God and their neighbor. I need to lead by example to show them how to love others. One way to express your love is to show others some grace since we all fall short of the glory of God. My life and relationship with my children gives them a tiny glimpse of what to expect from their awesome God. He shows grace and mercy to us all who accept it, and He loves them more than they will ever know.

“Mommy, I can’t do it!” “Mommy, help me!” “I don’t want to do it!” “It’s too hard, Mommy!” I hear this all of the time. Do you? It can be frustrating to watch your children flounder a bit, but we know that they sometimes have to work through things on their own in order to learn. It builds character, too. It is so difficult to motivate a child who feels overwhelmed by the task at hand. I often have to step back to figure out if the task is actually too hard or if it is my child’s perception of the task that makes it appear insurmountable. I am flexible and certainly will change my expectations if the task is impossible right now. However, I am learning ways to teach my children perseverance in a gentle way. I am discovering slowly how to motivate my children who sometimes seem to be so unmotivated to try something new.

So here is the Bible’s recipe for motivation. In 2 Peter we read that we need to start with faith and then add goodness. I have been watching my children’s faith grow through our family devotions; they even ask for devotions now. The lessons we are learning in our devotional time are certainly teaching us about goodness such as obedience, faithfulness, and truth. The time we spend together with God is building a strong foundation for their faith – and mine – and is certainly a godly thing to do. (See my post called Devotions.)

Add knowledge to faith and goodness. We spend our days on focused, in-depth study. Our curriculum is Christ-centered, so we are using the theme from our devotions in other curriculum areas. The goal is to connect our learning and deepen our understanding of the concepts we are studying. The repetition helps the children own the information and use higher order thinking skills  such as application and synthesis.

That brings us to self-control. This is difficult even for adults. I sometimes think I need more practice in this area than my children do! However, I am teaching them and myself self-control through delayed gratification. In this fast-paced, get-it-now society it is a challenge to be patient, but we are working towards that. We are saving money in a piggy bank, which we hope to donate to a charity. I also force us to wait for rewards, which is especially difficult for me. We take turns when we play. During tantrums, I expect the kids to find a way to calm down on their own and become aware of what set them off and how to handle the situation better. These seem like simple things to do, but in the long run, the actually do teach us to be patient and self-controlled.

All of this brings us to perseverance. I think of this as something I desperately need to model for my children.  For example, I sometimes am discouraged when I think that they are not ready for the concept that I am presenting. I feel like moving on because it is not worth it to make them do something they can’t do. I have learned to stop and try again the next day and then again the following day. I have seen that this kind of perseverance on my part has produced some amazing fruit with my children’s learning, and then I am encouraged to try again. It is my goal to share with the kids my struggle to persevere. It is important for them to see me as a real person who deals with the same problems they do. I try to give them a glimpse at the ways that I solve those problems in the hope that they will imitate me. I do mean imitate because that is what they do when they pretend play. They want to be just like Mommy, so I am trying to give them a positive model for what a mommy does.

In the end, we hope that all of our efforts will produce people (even us as parents) who love others – the way that God loves us – with agape love.