Getting Well

After having my first baby, I was afflicted with postpartum depression. Then it struck me again after my next baby. This is the story of my experience of God’s powerful healing the first time I walked in darkness. My experience the second time is reserved for another post.

I was anxious and stressed out. Everyone walked on pins and needles around me trying to avoid upsetting me. I just couldn’t be comforted. It was so difficult for me to admit what was happening to me - postpartum depression. That happens to other people, doesn’t it? I waited a really long time to treat it because I was embarrassed by it. How could I feel this way? Children are a blessing from God, right? I was meant to be a mother, right? What would people think of me?

The reality of motherhood didn’t match my perceptions of what it would be like. I felt burdened by the responsibility that I now had. God gave me this precious child who was helpless and completely dependent on me. What if I made a mistake? I was terrified that something would make my baby sick, so I became obsessed with hand washing and insisted that others wash their hands before touching the baby. I also obsessively checked on the baby after bed time because I needed to know that my beautiful baby was safe.

I was in the dark. The fear was paralyzing.

The Bible repeatedly tells us that God is light. I needed to come out of the darkness and into the light. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” (Psalm119:105) I learned about the power of praying God’s word through a Beth Moore Bible study, Breaking Free. I prayed God’s word during that dark time, and I experienced God’s healing.

When I read Psalm 103:1-5 the other day, I remembered the feeling I had during that time.

¹ Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

² Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—

³ who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

God heals His people. Growing closer to God and learning more about Him is essential to the process of healing. You learn to trust Him during that time. But you also have to take time to listen to Him when you pray. What action does He want you to take? I am reminded of the story in the Bible of the man who was at the healing pool for thirty-eight years.

When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6)

It is an interesting question. I have to ask myself that - Did I and do I want to get well? Do I prefer to be ill so that other people see me? Is it easier to feel badly because that’s what I know best?  When I think about my actions in the past, I do wonder if I really wanted to get well. I was paralyzed just like the man by the healing pool. I needed someone to ask me if I wanted to be healed, though.

Jesus knows the human heart, doesn’t He? He knows that we need to be seen. Rest assured, Jesus sees you! He sees you in the same way that he saw the man at the healing pool. He knows all of your hurts - better than you do. He wants you to be whole.

Will you let him heal you? I did.

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